Sunday, April 26, 2009

Let the Stallion Kick and Run

Let the Stallion Kick and Run
Wake Up to Live with Desiree Leigh
I have made a lot of bad choices in my life, and how I pay for them has been through regret and forgiveness. Maybe one day I can share with you some of the bad choices, but today it really doesn't matter what the situations have been. They are past and gone and there is no way to change those choices that I made yesterday. My healing process has done wonders but there is always some black residue hiding somewhere deep in the heart, that I stuffed so far down, I didn't ever recognize it anymore when it came up.

Some days like today, some thing strange happens. Out of the blue, when things seem sunny and well, I get overwhelmed with emotion and I have no clue where it comes from. It slams you in the gut, bubbles up to your throat and takes over your entire body. And here comes the trembling, the weak knees and tears. I want to fall to my knees and pray to God to take away the burden, the hurt and the pain off my shoulders because I just can't carry it anymore. And I do when I am at home but I was on my early morning walk today. Not good timing! Of course I tried to contain myself. Maybe somebody's looking. Ooh, what would they think. It's so easy to get stuck in the head and tell myself "I shouldn't feel this way. Everything was just fine a minute ago. So what's my problem."

So what did I do? I centered myself. I looked straight ahead into the center of my mind's eye and allowed the feelings to kick and run like a stallion throughout my body. What I would have given for a chair at this moment. I knew I would be safe and to make sure I didn't fall I paid full attention to my breath. If I didn't allow these feelings to pass I would have buried them again and I would have been approached yet another time probably when I least expected it too. So the best thing to do was to let it go and let God.

Healing takes patience and it sometimes doesn't present itself in the most appropriate times. Healing also takes time. It's a good thing, too, because if we were able to heal the whole smackeroo right here and right now, I think our brains would explode into oblivion. We couldn't handle it. We would be on emotion overload for weeks or better yet, months. We are given only what we can handle at the time and I recognize that and I thank God for that.

What is beautiful about every step of the healing process, though, is that I gain a ton of strength, resilience and courage to move through any crap or fear that comes my way during the day, because if I can handle the pain that comes up I can handle anything!

And one more important note to sign off on. Be conscious of the choices you make and remember the choices you make today will effect you tomorrow.

Wake Up to Live with Desiree Leigh

3 comments:

  1. Well said, Desiree, and thanks for sharing such a intimate episode of your healing. Hats off to you.xx

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  2. What a good idea - let the emotions and feelings "run like a stallion". Thanks, I'll remember that!

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  3. Well said Desire. Emotion cripples and creates deep in the center of our souls.

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