Monday, September 7, 2009

Peace In the Midst of Pain


It has been a busy and eventful month preparing all the necessary things for my last son to experience his first year in University and another going back for his second. I am grateful that I am able to provide them with this opportunity. I had a wonderful trip, enjoying many sights of Toronto. Perhaps not as many as I wanted to, but in such a short time there is only so many things you can actually fit in to your schedule without feelings of overwhelm. And I was already on emotional and physical overwhelm, feeling a lack of peace.

I finally completed Marianne's book, The Age of Miracles at the Pearson airport while I was waiting for my flight. A place that appears to be in the midst of chaos. For some reason I scheduled the flight late in the afternoon so I had much time to waste. It's funny how the right book comes in to your hands just when you need it. The day before I went to Toronto, I knew deep in my heart that Marianne's book was the one to read on the trip. So getting comfortable, I indulged in her delicious words of wisdom. It didn't take long to read, and the majority was read sitting at the airport. Remembering, I was teary eyed through out her book. She spoke with such emotion, but also about many events and situations that were 'real' to me.

My trip home was grand. Sitting in the Airbus, I met a wonderful lady who had four boys herself. Her empty nest feelings were quickly remembered from many years past when I spoke of my last son leaving home. As I choked on the lump in my throat talking about the situation and my feelings briefly, she also became melancholy recalling the memories of her boys leaving home, saying that it was almost like yesterday having the exact same feelings when the last one left. Now they're all grown, married and have children. She now travels two to four times a year to Chicago and Montreal to visit them. What mom's will do to see her children.

We didn't really talk much, but we could definitely feel each others presence and we respected that. The presence of each other was enough. I was a bit in my own world having tears flowing every once in a while gazing over the wing of the plane and the blanket of clouds, breathing deeply so that I wouldn't make too much noise or lose control. I did a lot of praying asking for wisdom and strength to get through this experience, what is my next step in life, and who am I destined to be. I also did a lot of meditation to stay connected with my Self so I wouldn't get caught up in the mind. Everything supported me in staying calm and at peace in the moment of pain.

In the moments of crisis and in the moments of pain, we must surround ourselves with light, meditate and pray with conviction. By holding onto the light, we transcend darkness; not just for ourselves but for others. "Love is to fear what light is to darkness; in the presences of one, the other disappears." ~M.W.

Wake Up to Live with Desiree Leigh

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