Friday, February 27, 2015

Emotional Abuse: What Are the Signs?

Emotional Abuse: What Are the Signs?

Wake Up to Live by Desiree Leigh

Do you recognize the signs of emotional abuse?  You may experience these signs if you are living with someone that physically and verbally abuses you?  You may also experience these signs with others you don't live with, such as brothers or sisters and friends or neighbors.  I wasn't able to recognize the signs immediately.  I was too caught up managing life with my children not considering either my own issues or needs.  I was trying to keep things afloat so that life looked grand from the outside--from the perspective of others--and life did look just fine from the outside; so it was very easy to convince myself that everything was okay.  What's really crazy, though, is that even if outsiders suspected something, they didn't say a word or do anything; everyone lived in this bubble of silence.  This bubble of silence is the craziest thing in the world when you reflect on it, but it happens with child abuse, too!  No one wants to get involved.

These are just five signs of emotional abuse, but they are pretty significant.  If you are in an emotionally abusive relationship, do you think it is the time to start reflecting on what is "really" happening in the relationship.  I know it's hard.  I've been there.  I was scared in my boots.  But by starting to reflect on your life as it really is is the beginning of change.  Reflection and awareness; it's the beginning of truth, and it's the beginning of creating self-worth.

Wake Up to Live by Desiree Leigh





Wake Up to Live is about awareness in every aspect.  Waking up to live life is about questioning the social norms and the things that feel uncomfortable to talk about.  Wake Up to Live is about becoming awake to our biases, prejudices, and injustices. Waking up to live life is about waking up from unconsciousness to see what is really true.  Although waking up to live life with awareness and clarity may be difficult to do because now we must begin to make the hard choices, we must strive to Wake Up to Live and be responsible for our actions and the actions of others.  We are in this life together!  



Sunday, February 22, 2015

Controller, Abusers, & Manipulators

Controllers, Abusers, & Manipulators

Wake Up to Live with Desiree Leigh

In life, we live among a varied population, so we must be able to recognize when we are in danger.  When you have grown up observing domestic violence, have been the subject of childhood abuse or bullying from your siblings, or have been assaulted in any way, we can either be hypervigilant or on-guard to everyone that is around us or we may be unconscious in recognizing the signs of these characteristics.  I know I have been both, but my underlying characteristic is to be hypervigilant and acutely aware of absolutely everything--every facial expression and every pin dropping.  What's important, though, is to recognize the signs by logically analyzing the situation and also staying connected to your gut feelings.

Remember, many abusers, controllers, and manipulators will make the problem yours and tell everyone in their circle of family and friends (and acquaintances) that 'you' are the problem when in fact you are not.  I can compare this behavior to children in a playground: the bully or the one that abuses goes running to an authority figure 'first' so that they look as if they are the innocent ones.  Anyways, the only way to get support and move beyond being isolated from the people you thought cared about you is to reach out to others that you can trust or a group that has experienced the same sorts of things.

I also want to note that it is not about living in fear or being preoccupied or obsessive regarding the people you are around. (Although you may have this exact behavior immediately after a recent attack, and that is both okay and normal).  Just take note of the signs.  If you are not aware of the 'signs,' your own behavior will never change.  Awareness and understanding of how abusers behave and how they condition or groom their victim is significant, and it is for the safety and well-being of yourself and your family.

Wake Up to Live by Desiree Leigh





Wake Up to Live is about awareness in every aspect.  Waking up to live life is about questioning the social norms and the things that feel uncomfortable to talk about.  Wake Up to Live is about becoming awake to our biases, prejudices, and injustices. Waking up to live life is about waking up from unconsciousness to see what is really true.  Although waking up to live life with awareness and clarity may be difficult to do because now we must begin to make the hard choices, we must strive to Wake Up to Live and be responsible for our actions and the actions of others.  We are in this life together!  

Wake Up to Live with Desiree Leigh

    

Saturday, February 21, 2015

Defeat the Darkness to Inspire

Defeat the Darkness to Inspire

Wake Up to Live with Desiree Leigh


Healers are warriors, whether they are spiritual or not, who have found the courage to defeat the darkness buried within their souls or within the very structure and function of their DNA.  

We awaken with wisdom and a new-found strength to encourage and inspire others to rise above their own darkness--like the lotus flower being released from the mud at the bottom of the pond;  first, with awareness, and, second, with action.

Wake Up to Live with Desiree Leigh


Wake Up to Live is about awareness in every aspect.  Waking up to live life is about questioning the social norms and the things that feel uncomfortable to talk about.  Wake Up to Live is about becoming awake to our biases, prejudices, and injustices. Waking up to live life is about waking up from unconsciousness to see what is really true.  Although waking up to live life with awareness and clarity may be difficult to do because now we must begin to make the hard choices, we must strive to Wake Up to Live and be responsible for our actions and the actions of others.  We are in this life together!  

Friday, February 20, 2015

Betrayed By the People We Love and Trust: Use Management Skills to Surivive

Betrayed By the People We Love and Trust:
Use Management Skills to Survive

Wake Up to Live with Desiree Leigh
Feeling betrayed by the people that we love and trust who did not respond to our cries of abuse is a feeling that may never really go away.  It is something that we need to work on on a regular basis to keep the memories and feelings in check.

Many people talk about forgiveness (even I did sometime in the past), stating how important it is to do in order to move on.  Through some real deep self-examination, I realized I was only following a socially conditioned belief.  What is forgiveness, anyways?  Basically, it is an abstract concept.  We made it up.  And, because it is a concept to understand a generalized idea, we can attach anything to it to fit our needs if we choose.

Many people are socially conditioned to believe that we "must" forgive.  Forgiveness has been a huge hype socialized into us for centuries; a way for society to conform, but also a way for society to behave themselves rather than cause a ruckus.  It is a way to silence society.  Even celebrities and gurus are famous for using this philosophical pathway of speaking and/or living and many people automatically believe them because they are in a position of authority.

When you live with abuse, forgiveness doesn't just make all memories and feeling miraculously melt away.  This is rubbish.  Just try to do that.  Then you feel shamed or guilty because these feelings didn't go away and of course somethings got to be wrong with you, right?  Instead of thinking about forgiveness, think about management.  To get through the day--waking up, eating breakfast, getting to work or school, picking up children at the day care, going to appointments--you manage your day sometimes consciously and sometimes unconsciously.

I must not forget the emotions such as hate and resentment; the one's many call 'negative.'  Perhaps, you might say, "well forgiveness helped me move past these emotions."  These emotions are built within us.  We can pretend they are not a part of us, but they are, and they will always arise occasionally--more in some than others.  If they do arise, what do you do?  Once again, you most likely use your management skills perhaps even in an unconscious manner.

In the end, dealing with memories and feelings from a traumatized past filled with abuse and/or neglect takes management skills.  Forgiveness is an abstract concept that sounds 'nice and pretty,' in comparison to management, so it may also feel better saying it, but in theory you are managing your thoughts and emotions.  Whenever memories and feelings come up, you take action in a proactive manner--such as expression, walking, meditation, an Epsom bath, talking to a friend or your counselor, or writing--so that you can settle those thoughts and emotions and function through the day or even week.

Wake Up to Live with Desiree Leigh

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Life's Most Urgent Question


Life's Most Urgent Question

Wake Up to Live with Desiree Leigh



Wake Up to Live is about awareness in every aspect.  Waking up to live life is about questioning the social norms and the things that feel uncomfortable to talk about.  Wake Up to Live is about becoming awake to our biases, prejudices, and injustices. Waking up to live life is about waking up from unconsciousness to see what is really true.  Although waking up to live life with awareness and clarity may be difficult to do because now we must begin to make the hard choices, we must strive to Wake Up to Live and be responsible for our actions and the actions of others.  We are in this life together!