Saturday, May 6, 2017

There Will Always be Haters and Hecklers

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Haters and Hecklers
There will always be haters and hecklers. The more you stand out, the more you make a difference,  and the more you make a change, the more opposition you will attract, no matter what. The stronger your belief and the stronger your advocacy, the stronger the opposition and the oppressors. The one's that oppose and the one's that oppress feel as though they are losing control, and hating, heckling and shaming may be the only way they feel they can hold onto their opinion or way of being (or so they believe it to be).

"You may shoot me with your words. You may cut me with your eyes. You may kill me with your hatefulness. But still, like air, I'll rise." ~Maya Angelou

A Shaming Comment
I've been very busy with academic studies and so I haven't had time to post articles to Wake Up to Live blog site. However, I have been able to re-post and share some of my older articles. Some in particular are about childhood sexual abuse and assault. These are the one's that are close to my heart and the area that I want to make a difference in. Many of my earlier articles and posts are about my own experiences, and sharing with others is my way to support others, hopefully allowing others to open up and share their story. Sharing--speaking up about the criminal offence--is very difficult for people that have been sexually victimized. They are shamed during the heinous crime and then they are shamed again by many that do not understand, do not want to understand, or feel that this crime is okay.

"There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you." ~Maya Angelou

I grew up in a highly dysfunctional family that kept the childhood sexual abuse silent. The family protected the perpetrators, and, to this day, they still protect the perpetrators even though a couple of them are already dead. One family member protected one of the perpetrators to the extent of publicly writing in an ancestry website touting how great this person was. Quite sickening, really, and that is why I will never trust this ancestry website, or others. Anyone can document what they choose whether it is the truth or not. Anyways, I finally disconnected myself from the entire family. To stay with the family, I had to stop speaking about the abuse, and, basically, deny anything occurred. Yet, when I remained in the family circle, I was still being abused both verbally and physically. For many years I stayed. Abuse was considered love, so I stayed to feel loved until I couldn't take it anymore emotionally and mentally. In order for me to heal my life and my children's life, I chose to speak up. As a result, I had to leave the circle. When I spoke up, all hell broke lose with the family about how 'bad' I was at being a daughter, a sister, and a niece. It was difficult, for sure, letting go of the family paradigm that many of us long for, but as years past, it became easier and easier in letting go of these unhealthy connections. Letting go made me a stronger woman in the sense that I now stand up for what I believe in. I stand up for injustices. I advocate for what is right. You just have to talk to the faculty at the School of Nursing at UBC Okanagan. They are an amazing group of women and some men that listen and support me. They may not agree with my arguments all the time, but they respect me and my voice and encourage me to continue speaking my voice. An amazing thing also happened after letting go of the unhealthy connections. I began to make healthy connections with others that accepted me for who I am--a strong, feisty, fearless fighter that does not accept shamers.

"You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still   come out of it." ~Maya Angelou

This is a segue for the shaming blog post comment I received. As many of you bloggers know, you get all kinds of comments. Typically, they are supportive and positive. When the reader does not agree, she/he will make their claim with respect and reasoning to why they believe what they believe. I expect with over seven billion people in this world, we will not all agree, but I always like to hear the reasons to others and I will only listen if there is respect in the dialogue.

"I must respect the opinions of others even if I disagree with them." ~Maya Angelou

Listen to All that Respect You
It is important to listen to other voices, for sure. There are many voices in the world, and I feel it is extremely important to listen carefully to what others have to say. Some may not express it clearly or even logically, but if you listen to the words (and body language when you are with them), you can hear what they are saying whether or not you agree. Agreeing is not the point. It is about listening and respecting the other while they express themselves. What I will not tolerate in my life anymore is when another voice is determined to shame or ridicule me in their most subtle or not subtle ways. Instead of  discussing things respectfully and maturely, they abuse or threaten me in their words and tone. I am no longer the person I was when I tolerated abuse from others. I have no time for people like this and neither should you. Individuals that shame, verbally abuse, or threaten will throw a ton of jargon and information at you that is meaningless but also incorrect. When you stand up for injustices, make sure you know the evidence as well so that no one can draw you into their amiss information.

"I can be changed by what happened to me, but I refuse to be reduced by it." ~Maya Angelou

Walk Away from the Shamers and Oppressors
I had a life time of abuse, oppression, assault, and ignorance. I have no time in my life to listen to these ignorant characters. In school this year, one thing that I told the students I was among was that if you want to make a complaint, if you want to make a difference or a change in something that you believe in, stop complaining incessantly. Instead, gather the evidence, dates, time, interviews and statistics, and then make your argument. Don't just outright complain without trying to resolve something. The changers or leaders will not listen to constant whining. They don't have time for that. They need hard facts. They need reasoning, and they need you to be respectful and professional.

"Each time a woman stands up for herself, without knowing it, possibly without claiming it, she stands up for all women." ~Maya Angelou

Your Wisdom
Walk away from people that shame you, people that try to control you. Discussing differences is an important aspect to change, but when these individuals try to oppress you or try to shame you, you don't need any more reason to stay. Leave. Walk away. Do not respond to haters and hecklers.

Wake Up to Live with Desiree Leigh

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