"We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations." [Anais Nin]
The Pain's of Responsibility by Desiree Leigh, Wake Up to Live
The pleasure's of avoidance and denial, and the pain's of responsibility. Many of us look at life this way. What do you think of the word 'responsibility'? Does it freak you out? Does it give you a heaviness in your chest? Does it make you feel old? I'll bet it's pretty painful even thinking about the word 'responsibility,' let alone doing 'responsibility.' "OMG, that's work!" We all have different emotions attached to the word 'responsibility'. What are yours?
It's easy to avoid, deny and ignore responsibility. Choosing to be unconscious to life gives you pleasure to some degree. Otherwise why would you do it? You want to avoid the pain. That's why. We can put on our positive thinking caps and motor down the road, side-swiping everything in our way, protesting loudly as we screech down the way, "I'm happy!" "I'm positive!" "I've got life in the bag!" But, are you really? Or, does your life look more like a zombie-state, eyes glossed over, arms drawn out in front of you, tripping over what lies ahead embracing a protest sign that says "I'm happy!" "I'm positive!" "I've got life in the bag!" They're both the same to some degree. One more jovial than the other."It's still better this way, though. Right?!At least, I don't have to take responsibility. I might have to make a commitment to something, people may rely on me, I might mess up, then what? Anyways, everyone says that you should be positive, be happy. That's what's going around. Those are the studies they do in those big universities. Chin up and get over your story."There's a fine line between living unconsciously while protesting a positive attitude, and living responsibly and aware with positive intention.Do you recognize the difference? And, which state are you really living in? Behind your closed doors, with no one around, look at your life. Are you living consciously with positive intention or not? This may be a good time to really consider this question.
First of all, I want to say that YOUR STORY IS IMPORTANT! As long as it comes from a healed perspective and not a cathartic experience. Why the heck do we have so many beautifully written books out there? They are called stories, people's life experiences, and how they overcame their obstacles and struggles. YOUR STORY IS IMPORTANT! And here goes, this is what taking 'responsibility' always comes down to. Have you released your story through those hidden, deep, and painful emotions? If you haven't, your story with be coming from a blinded place. Through the dramatic emotions that have not been released and are still lurking inside of you. You're perspective's will be shadowed. It's not that your experience is shadowed. Not at all. You really did have those experiences. I get that. It's the way you think about them, though, which ALWAYS comes down to the way you think about yourself!
To heal and take back your life, to live a life more alive, be courageous and step into your responsibility. Yes, it is painful, for the moment. It does feel ugly and gross. You may even feel disgusted and embarrassed. But in the end, moving through your experiences gives you backbone and strength of character. Take the pain out of responsibility and put it where it belongs, in avoidance and denial.
Desiree is a 11 year veteran at life coaching, life-skills counselling, and mentoring for adult survivors of childhood abuse. She advocates for violence against women and children. She is the author of 2 books and is pursuing her Masters degree. This blog is a resource for women for personal development, liberation, and empowerment. Desiree's blog is for entertainment purposes only. The author does not provide medical, legal, or other professional advice.