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Showing posts from 2013

Silence Encourages the Tormentor

"I swore never to be silent whenever and wherever human beings endure suffering and humiliation.   We must always take sides.  Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim.   Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented."
~Elie Wiesel, Political Activist and Professor
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Desiderata Poem

A beautiful poem that inspires one to strive for high ideals by Max Ehrmann.

Are You the Author of Your Life

"I am the author of my life. Unfortunately, I'm writing in pen and I cannot erase my mistakes." [Bill Kaulitz]
When was it the first time you realized that you were actually the author of your life? I was so caught up in simply surviving life that I paid no attention to what I wanted. I had no goals, no dreams, no ambitions . . . nothing. I was only surviving; trying to find a way to live through and then, later, escape my circumstances.  
I lived under the clouds of dysfunction. My father was an alcoholic who abused my mother. Both parents weren't around emotionally. There was also sexual abuse when I was a child and then in my adolescents two sexual assaults. Dreams. Goals. Aspirations. What were they?
It was only when I met my first husband that I started to see that I could dream and create my reality. Although our relationship didn't work out, he taught me a lot about going after my dreams. After that, I fall into two dysfunctional relationships, and serving the…

Happy Thanksgiving

Don't Fake Your 24/7 Happiness Because It Stinks

How to Genuinely Get In Touch with Others
Pema Chodron does it again.  She is such an amazing woman.  Today many people are promoting that "life is bliss;" "smile and life will be grand;" "think positively, and you can change your situation;" "stay away for the negativity of life;" and so forth.  But these concepts are "flawed."  Why?  Because if these ideas were reliable and valid, they would be reliable and valid across the board--across the world--but they aren't.  These ideas are reliable and valid especially in the Western world, but not across the board.  I don't disagree with any of these concepts, however I do disagree with the flawed concept of living with these ideas and then disregarding the realities of life: poverty; racism; sexual assault; chemical warfare; child and animal abuse and neglect; and so forth.

Life is about people and our connections to them across the globe.  As Chodron mentions, we may feel provoked…

Question Everything

With A New Day

Awareness Happens Before Change

How many times have you heard that in order to change you must have awareness first?  You must be conscious to your surroundings, your habits, your beliefs, your patterns, your words, and your behaviors?  Even so, because you have awareness, this does not mean that your situation automatically changes.  In general, action must take place. Making the unconscious conscious when it comes to unresolved or hidden past grievances, trauma, and pain can be enough to resolve anxiety or other mood disorders; but, in general, there is always work, action, or energy that needs to be put forth to create new habits or thoughts that serve the present situation.    Awareness is the precursor to change; but action must take place for things to be and look different. The thing is most individuals have great intention.  However, they do not have consistent effort in making these positive habits or finding out why some habits (conscious or unconscious) hold them back or get in their way. Carving out any ne…

Surround Yourself With Dreamers

The Way People Treat You

The way people treat you is a statement about who they are as a human being. It is not a statement about you. You are worthy and deserving.
It took me some time to figure this out, but I wrote about it in my book Healing Worthlessness: Coming Into Self-Love as a Trauma Survivor published in 2020. Forever, I thought it was about me. I was so broken down by growing up in a dysfunctional family filled with mental, emotional, and sexual abuse, and, then later in my teens, I was sexually assaulted twice. After that, I ended up being in a relationship that was violent. I kept thinking that I was the problem. That followed me forever!
Until my son started talking to be about what he was seeing and then telling me that other families weren't like ours, only then did I begin to realize that my way of thinking was completely distorted and I needed to correct it. 
Correcting my way of thinking wasn't easy. I had so much turmoil and chaos inside of me that I had to work through, but, eventua…

The Secret of Existence

From the time we are born, we become dependent on others for our survival.  Yet, the Buddha mentions to depend on no one.  "Only the moment you reject all help are you freed."  This defies everything we have learned in this physical world.  Because we have learned this dependency on others since infancy, we have grown used to this concept.  Some ideas are:  "Mom makes me happy because she spoils me."  "I am complete only with my soul-mate."  "I am happiest with my friends."  Thus, it makes our journey toward independence or towards soulfulness or divinity much more difficult.  We are pulling away from something we know; something that is real and tangible.  We cannot seem to fathom this concept, so we continue to tug at this idea of "depend on no one," but still we cannot figure it out.
Only until you truly begin to let go of everything you think you know and of everything you think you are, will you be stripped from the image that you…

The Choice to Take A Chance to Change

The Choice to Take A Chance to Change
It takes choice and action to move through fear and take a chance to change.  You can pray for change.  Prayer will deliver you the messages or messengers; but you have to take that chance and act to change.

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You Will Never Be Ready Enough

Endless conversations about change and not doing anything doesn't make change happen.  Talk about change, write about change, draw change, and strategize about change; but then, in the end, the inevitable is to take action to make change happen.  Jump in. You will never be fully ready.
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Inflexible Body Equals an Inflexible Mind

Inflexible Body Equals an Inflexible Mind
When the muscles in your body are tight and rigid, when your body is inflexible, your mind becomes inflexible and your life force dwindles.  Stretch, stretch, and stretch some more for the health of your body but also your mind and energy. 
My work and my studies revolve around my office desk, and when exam time comes, the stress and tension are at there worst. Time and time again has proved to me that when I get tight in my muscles, my energy slows down, I become short tempered, and rigid in my ways.  I get stubborn.  To me, it is an obvious sign of inflexibility!

These past two weeks, I seemed to be in overwhelm - emotionally and mentally.  Getting on the floor to do some yoga moves proved to be discomforting.  So I decided to take in a 2 hour full-body massage yesterday.  After the deep muscle massage, I thought I would end up going to sleep when I got home.  The reverse was true.  I was full of life and energy.  The healing power that comes…

Live Life Mindfully

Live life mindfully: in the thoughts you think, in the emotions you express, in the foods you consume, in the air you breathe, in the steps you walk, in the words you speak, in the media you listen to, and in the facts you hear.  Live a life mindfully.

Living a life of mindfulness comes in many forms, not only the thoughts you think. 
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Every New Day Is Another Chance

Every new day is another chance to change your life.  If you are not happy, try something different.  The old adage is: if it isn't working, do something different!

Go within yourself to hear what it is your Self is asking for.  Go to the library and do some research.  Volunteer for various organizations to see what makes you tick.  Do phone interviews with people that are in the positions you may want to be in.  Go for a walk somewhere you've never been.  Try a new sport.   All these scenarios will make the mind and heart move and direct you to what it is you are desiring; what it is you may be passionate about.  For today you will enjoy different fruits than what you will enjoy tomorrow.  Do the work.  Become aware.  Change up the pace.

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Why We Must Shift to a Person-Oriented Society

Let us not forget Martin Luther King, Jr.'s powerful and moving words that remain timeless.
Wake Up to Live with Desiree Leigh
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Respect Yourself Enough to Walk Away

Respect Yourself Enough to Walk Away
Respecting yourself enough to walk away from anyone or anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you happy.
Respecting yourself enough to walk away is not always easy especially if you have lived through a lot of trauma in your life.  If you have lived through a lot of trauma, your self-worth may be extremely low.  But, don't give up or give in. Mental and emotional wellness begins with you.  It is possible to move past an abusive relationship or the memories of an abusive childhood and uncover true happiness.
Live life mindfully: in the thoughts you think, in the emotions you express, in the foods you consume, in the air you breathe
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Never Stop Striving to Do What You Were Meant to Do

Never Stop Striving to Do What You Were Meant to Do
Never let the odds keep you from doing what you know in your hear you were meant to do.
There are many of us that did not learn how to connect with our heart as a child, especially the ones that have been abused repeatedly, molested,  raped, or neglected.  Many of us closed our hearts.

As we grew older, we realized something was missing in our lives.  Somehow we weren't connected to others and life in general.  We didn't know how to feel.  We didn't know how to express.  We lived a life of deadness and blank.  We were outsiders looking in upon other people's lives.

As we grew older, we desired to know what it would be like to live . . . to feel . . . to experience . . . and to know.  We desired to be alive.  We had seen it around us, the smiles, the laughter, the love, and the friendship; but we didn't know how to get there.

Nevertheless, as we grow, as long as we desire and believe, life will find us a way to know …

Stupid Things People Say Not to Report Child Abuse

My grandfather (or whomever) may have to go to jail.He/she is too old/young to be prosecuted.  You will ruin his/her life.Can you imagine what could happen to him/her if he/she had to go to jail?Just let it go. Quit living in the past.They aren't my kids, so it's not my responsibility.Keep me out of it!Well, she/he must have done something to get that treatment.It was so long ago; just forget about it.Don't tell me the gory details.  Leave me out of it.Every child has to go through tough times.A little slap or two won't hurt.Reporting this will destroy our family (as if it hasn't already).Nobody needs to know.But he/she didn't do it to me; therefore, he/she couldn't have done it to you.Don't stress.  Don't hurt mother and/or father.  It will devastate her and/or him if you talk about it.  Keep quiet.My all time favorite (sarcastically speaking): It was nothing!Let's Connect!
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Culture of Reverence Over Children's Safety

With reference to the criminal findings of a 267-page report, Brad Wolverton writes about how the most powerful leaders at Pennsylvania State University continually covered up the child sexual abuse cases related to Mr. Jerry Sandusky – Penn State’s football coach – over a span of fourteen years.  He stated that Pennsylvania State University’s leaders showed a “total disregard” for the safety and “welfare of children” (p. 7). In respect to sociology, how could a community so large, with various top influential leaders, deny the safety of even one child, let alone 52 counts of sexual abuse that Jerry Sandusky was convicted for?  In reading the article, it showed that various officials placed blame on other various individuals, repeatedly tossing the hot potato denying the allegations; of course until there was blatant evidence, and they could no longer deny the truth.  Does this hideous crime have to do with the various statuses and classes of society – the vulnerable, small c…

Love and Justice for All Including Our Children

Love and Justice
"Justice denied anywhere diminished justice everywhere" Martin Luther King
I am fed up of listening to the condescending comments to 'be happy today and forget yesterday.'  Or  to broadly say that 'there is light at the end of the tunnel.'   Or that 'we all have a past, so just deal with it.' These patronizing comments to a survivor of childhood abuse, rape, incest, and molestation are useless.  These individuals that so broadly comment like this don't have a stand for anything or are too fearful to stand for anything.  If we don't see what we are doing wrong to these abused children by looking at their experiences from the past and who did what, how can we expect to improve the future?  
Our children have one childhood.  Allow them the right to feel joy and to receive respect, emotional care, and patience.  It is their 'human right' to get it.  It is not their destiny, their fate, their thought-process, their behavior, or…

Ignorance to Child Abuse Doesn't Make It Go Away

The residuals of childhood trauma last forever; and society as a whole is responsible in creating the behaviors from the residuals of childhood trauma.  Ultimately, society (you and me - we) is breeding these effects - the behaviors we try to control after they have become out-of-control.
Research has shown that psychological trauma from parental abuse and/or neglect (including emotional unavailability) has been linked to later abnormalities in brain development, especially in the right hemisphere (DeHart, Sroufe, & Cooper, 2004, p. 286).  Even when society ignores the evidence and signs of childhood abuse, the consequences remain and affect society as a whole.  Adults continue to show plasticity of the brain to reshape thought processes; although it weakens considerably with age; but growth and change, forming new thought processes and behaviors, and learning to live with the memories is constant work in progress.
We talk about gun control, we talk about incarceration, and we tal…