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The Effects of Emotional Abuse

What is emotional abuse?
Emotional abuse is a type of abuse that involves the emotional maltreatment of a child, youth, or adult. Emotional abuse is also termed psychological abuse or mental abuse. It is a form of abuse that affects your psyche - mental and emotional - without the physical abuse.
Emotional abuse is usually done in a very cunning and devious manner, and it may not be obvious to you especially if you had suffered from emotional abuse as a child and or adolescent. Emotional abuse can be difficult to identify due to its subtle nature and may even be looked at as a loving behavior. However, emotional abuse if far from a loving behavior. The abuser acts in a controlling and manipulative manner trying to intimidate, isolate, scare, or threaten the victim. 
Emotional abuse can also look like bullying, passive-aggressive behavior (e.g., backhanded compliments, sulking, refusal to communicate), and negging (dismissive and degrading comments that undermind self-confidence).
Gaslight…
Recent posts

Are You Expecting Too Much From Your Relationships?

Whether it's a friendship, colleague, family member, or intimate partner, no one said that relationships would be easy. I like to look at relationships like the colors of a rainbow. They are all unique and special in their own way. They are all guaranteed flaws, idiosyncrasies, talents, strengths, and weaknesses. As we evolve, so do others. As we deal with our messy stuff, so do they. I think, sometimes, our expectations are high, and we simply think that the other person "knows" or "should" understand. Well, that's not the case, most of the time. Most people are not psychic. ;) Communication is key to understanding. 
I believe we should have expectations, for sure. If you didn't have expectations, you'd simply be a doormat to everyone. We must also have personal boundaries because we need to take care of ourselves. People can forget, get ornery, and lash out, but you have the right to assertively say something to maintain respect for yourself, and f…

Celebrating Father's Day Without A Father

During father's day, the entire world celebrates fathers which is a wonderful thing when you have a father to acknowledge and celebrate, but what if you don't (or didn't).
Were you fatherless? Your father may have not been completely out of your life. Perhaps he was there, but he was an alcoholic and never had the time of day for you. Or he was busy beating your mom (or you) and never took notice of you. Or did your father show up a couple of times a year when he was free from his business trips. Maybe once mom and dad got divorced, he chose to abandon you and you only saw him, sporadically, every now and then, while he started a new family with someone else.
I had a father that was a chronic alcoholic and a wife beater. Growing up in the 60's and 70's, domestic violence/intimate partner violence was a family matter and no one talked about it, but we were definitely "supposed" to respect him out of fear that we'd get beat ourselves. I tried, on-and-off,…

Are You Serving Your Thoughts and Worries or This?

When you're struggling with mental health issues, it's difficult to get out of your head and think about who you're serving. Are you serving your thoughts and your worries - the darkness that keeps you restrained? Or are you serving your presence, inner-state, your divinity? 
When you struggle with mental health issues, you are, typically, caught up in your head most of the time. It's difficult to see this when you're in it. I know I couldn't distinguish the difference when I first started learning how to get present, but if you could just take a few seconds of your time and become present by listening to your breath or focusing on your heart, you'll immediately know or realize a "shift" occurred. This "shift" is a release of tension, even if it was only for a moment, from being in the space of your head to being in your present state of awareness of your entirety. 
When you're in your head, full of thoughts and worries, there is a str…

When Will It Ever Be the "Right" Time?

I pulled out a beautiful wooden box where I stored valuable little trinkets from the back of my closet this weekend. My son gave it to me a few years back as a Christmas present. I stored little photos and charms, and just about anything that was tiny, so that I wouldn't lose them. 
Busyness
But during the past eight years, I've moved three times. Eventually this little wooden box got pushed to the back of my closet. I kept telling myself that I'd eventually move it forward and put it somewhere to display it. That time never seemed to come. I was busy dealing with a difficult relationship. I moved. I went to school to upgrade some courses. I moved again. I pursued my undergraduate degree. I moved again. I was back in school studying graduate courses, but the house was also very small. I seemed to be continuously busy and it was never the right time. 
Is There Ever The Right Time
But, I started to think about "when it would be the "right" time to use the things t…

Middle Aged Women and Their Risk for Suicide

Rates of Suicide Increasing
The mental health toll of the pandemic is only beginning, and we have yet to see the full impact of it. The National Center for Health Statistics recently reported that suicide rates increased by 35% between 1999 to 2018 in the USA alone, and it continues to rise.
Suicide Among Middle Aged Females
Among females, suicide rates were highest amidst 45 to 64 years of age with excessive rates being in urban areas. It's a worrying trend for women, and pinpointing the reasons is challenging because the causes are so complex. Risk factors include mental illnesses such as depression, bipolar disorder, substance use problems, and chronic pain. A previous history of childhood abuse or trauma can be a risk factor. Environmental factors such as unemployment, a financial crisis, and a divorce can influence the decision to commit suicide. However, the constant and accumulated stressors of life can be a factor as well; situations, circumstances, hardships, and other probl…

Who Do You Trust To Be Your Mentor?

I follow several people on social media, but when it's time to make a decision to jump into one of their programs (e.g., mentorship . . .), I go with the one that has shown consistency in their behavior (trust) - behavior traits that I'm looking for anyway.
Logical Decision Making
I like to observe, listen, and ask questions from a distance before I jump in and enroll myself into a program because there are so many online. I spent thousand upon thousand of dollars within the past couple of decades; some being worthy of the cost and others not so much. Many get it right with their advertising, promotions, and marketing, but many also don't produce the results!
I check to see how these individuals respond to others, if they respond, if they are the leader of the teams they hold, if they participate (e.g., speak, coach) in their programs, if they are authentic, etc.  Honestly, it takes me a long time to trust others. It is from their actions that I learn to trust them or not, th…

Sexual Trauma Requires Holistic Healing

With sexual trauma from childhood and adolescents, dysfunction is not only physical; it is mental, emotional, spiritual, AND sexual. But the thing with chronic childhood trauma is that it is also developmental; this means that through each developmental stage, the child is affected in a different way. Working with trauma survivors during one particular developmental age, the attention can be focused but with chronic trauma that occurs over one's developmental childhood and adolescent lifespan, healing from the trauma will be long and arduous, as you can only imagine. 
There is a huge gap in the health care system for trauma survivors of sexual abuse and violence and survivors of chronic or cumulative childhood violence. Physical wounds heal. Mental, emotional, sexual, and spiritual wounds are not the same. The abuse in embodied in their spirit, their muscles, and and their living cells. 
The Research
During my masters studies, I recognized that when a woman enters the emergency depar…