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Showing posts from 2014

Oppressing Others to Stay Silent About Sexual Abuse and Assault Is Not An Answer

"Truth is like the sun. 
You can shut it out for a time, but it ain't going away."
[Elvis Presley]
I love this statement; it hits the nail right on the head!  How many people around you have asked you to stay quiet about your childhood sexual abuse or sexual assault experience(s)?  For that matter, how about any truth?  Even if they haven't asked you in words, their body language will clearly tell you.  I've experienced this my entire life, but, the thing is, I still see it today.  Many people don't want to hear about the gory details, and this has to change.  Why?  Because when childhood sexual abuse and sexual assault survivors get recognition regarding their story, they begin to heal.

HEALING is not. . .
Healing is not about visualizing your hurt gone; it is not about blowing your hurt to the heavens; it is not about smothering your hurt with positive thoughts; it's not about asking yourself what you have learned from the experience!; and it's NOT that…

Do You Cringe When I Mention Child Sexual Abuse?

"I know you may cringe when I mention my child sexual abuse and I understand. The mere thought of an adult harming a child in any way should make you cringe. BUT . . .  I will not stop talking about it, healing from it, and helping others heal as well. I will keep talking about it because it may just be YOUR Child I Save!"
There is something real ugly going on; it's not the ugliness of childhood sexual abuse; although, that in itself is very very ugly; it's the silence society keeps regarding childhood sexual abuse.  I can feel this hum of emptiness, a hush, when I or others talk about childhood sexual abuse.  
The concept of childhood sexual abuse is simple, I believe anyways.  You and I, both, would do anything to protect our child(ren) from predators that prey upon our innocent children, yet when the adults of childhood sexual abuse begin to voice themselves, there is a sense of disbelief on the part of the listener.  There is a sense of shaming they offer to the surviv…

Depression and Suffering Alone

Let's bow our heads in empathy and look to understand the complexities of depression and how we can all support our loved ones that suffer with it. 
I battled depression as far back as I can remember.  I grew up with a mom that had depression (she lived with a man that assaulted and abused her weekly), so it was easy to learn the habits of depression; however, it wasn't that clear-cut and simple.  I also suffered a life of childhood abuse, sexual assault, and domestic violence with mental abuse.  I believe that when you are vulnerable, as I was with depression and a history of violence, you can fall into relationships that are abusive without recognizing (or ignoring) the signs.  Looking at all of this, I can understand why it was a daily struggle to stay above water.  I used to tell my adult children that I was underwater, and yet I was still breathing.

I don't think anyone that hasn't suffered with this mental illness can really relate to or understand what we have …

Haters of the Psychiatric Profession

Why are so many professional and clinical counselors afraid of psychiatric nurses or psychiatrists.  In counselling school I heard regular bashing of these last two professions (but I still love all my past class-mates and colleagues).  The counselors perspective (assumption) is that the psychiatric profession only want to prescribe pharmaceuticals, and they are closed-minded to therapies that are not research-based.  In other words, the professionals of psychiatry are narrow-minded in the wellness of their patients/clients; they follow protocol and don't steer away from that system.  It was even recommended by some life and business coaches to stay clear from that direction because of their concept of healing the mind.

Over the years, I continued to hear this sort of a rant, but I wasn't convinced.  I never am, convinced, by someone else's rant unless I investigate it for myself (and isn't that what we should all be doing--checking out the facts for ourselves).  If …

What to Do If You Doubt Your Abilities

We all doubt our abilities to do things from time to time, but will it be your doubt holding you back and keeping you stuck from achieving your aspirations, or will you unlock the cage, spread your wings, and fly?  There is always uncertainty regarding something in our lives: a new job, relocating, going back to school, getting married, or having children.  For me, its deep and passionate love.  Am I complacent in my ways thinking that it will never happen or that I am doing okay the way I am now?  I am sure I may be at times, but flying, in my opinion, is not a rash decision, either.  We are not birds; we are humans.  The process of stepping forward is just that: a process which takes risk resulting in some fear.  A decision needs to be thought through; it's just knowing when it's time to jump (or fly).  Waking up to live is not about making life-altering decisions, taking on daring aspirations, or, perhaps, fending for yourself after many years irrationally.  Sometimes peop…

Take a Stand or Fall for Anything

Those Who Stand for Nothing Fall for Anything
When will it be your turn to Wake Up to Live a life in which you stand firmly for what you believe in.  If you passively and obediently walk through life with an acceptable opinion to satisfy others and so that you don't rock the boat, no change can happen and no justice will happen.  
Lively debate must occur to open up the spectrum of thought and ideas to discover solutions, but all parties must be willing to debate 'and' to listen to the debate without blasphemy or ridicule and then take action.  Wake Up to Live now. Take a stand. Speak up with your voice and give your time to a cause for the love, safety, and health of humankind and the world.
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There Are More Than Two Sides to a Story

Waking up to live a life full of inspiration on a daily basis is sometimes challenging, especially if you have suffered from trauma or other mental and emotional issues in your life.  Proverbs are a great way to wake up; they seem to come at a time in life when you need reflection, a change in direction, or an uplift in motivation.  I sometimes use proverbs in my blog posts and my professional Facebook page.

A proverb means an expression of truth based on common sense or the practical experiences of humanity (Wikipedia).  Proverbs, nonetheless, are single cause statements, and, although they may seem true in your life at some point, they are not accurate.  Behavior, actions, and emotions are not from a single cause.  There are a multitude of factors that cause someone to behave and feel a certain way.  When we are feeling less than par, we look for signs to help us, to validate our suffering or hardship; we look for some sort of confirmation; as a result, we latch onto proverbs that s…

Your Choices Don't Exist In A Vacuum

Choices Don't Exist In A Vacuum
Once you wake up to live a life that is truly selected by you, this doesn't mean that life will, all of a sudden, become easy.  It doesn't create immediate joy, either.  Contrarily, when you wake up you become aware, and this awareness brings more work, hard realizations, and difficult choices.  You see, when you are asleep to life, life takes you like a river with no direction. You're at life's whim.  Once you wake up to life, you see this knee-jerk reaction with absolute clarity sometimes feeling disheartened or dismayed, and you realize, at that moment, hard choices need to made; otherwise, you will be swallowed by someone else's dreams or lack of vision, old and unsuitable beliefs, or the overwhelm of compromised values.

Perhaps, you fell into a love relationship believing it was true, only to realize that your choice was driven by childhood beliefs, and it was a comfort zone; instead, the relationship is filled with silenc…

Why Ask Good Questions

Ask questions to move yourself closer to your goals

Always ask relevant and good questions.  Don't be complacent or apathetic in your own life about anything.  As I write my research paper, for instance, I continue to wake up and ask the questions how I can make it more concise, more clear, more detailed, and more interesting.  When I am stumped at a fork in the road, I ask the questions what is it that I want to accomplish, and is it in alignment with my values and goals?  If there is conflict in a relationship, I ask what does the other person need, or what may I be saying or doing that is triggering this reaction?
Every single day, I ask questions to gain clarity, direction, and vision and to wake up to live, love, and laugh.  Are you?
Live life mindfully: in the thoughts you think, in the emotions you express, in the foods you consume, in the air you breathe.
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A New Consciousness Is Developing

"The old appeals to racial, sexual, religious chauvinism and to rabid nationalist fervor are beginning not to work. A new consciousness is developing which sees the earth as a single organism and recognizes that an organism at war with itself is doomed. We are one planet." [Carl Sagan]
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Social Bullying: A National Crisis

I am not a Rob Ford supporter, and I find him to be a total disrespect to the political institution; but, I am a counsellor that advocated respect and anti-bullying.  There is huge talk right now about Rob Ford on the Jimmy Kimmel show (March 3rd, 2014).  Google it first and get your own opinion.   Kimmel's actions are accurately described as bullying at its best.  Kimmel taunted Ford, ridiculed him, bombarded him with past events, and then professed that "everything seemed fine."  Of course Rob Ford was going to laugh it off, and I am sure he expected some very harsh and real questions, and probably some taunting; but, Kimmel took his taunting to another level which totally discredited him and his show.  When there are so many people watching late night shows to have a bit of a laugh,  you have a responsibility to the viewers and the guests: to take care of them in the most respectful manner whether you agree or disagree with them.  Kimmel's so called interview was a…

How to Nourish Your Soul

When was the last time you nourished your soul?  Many of us in the world are over-stressed, under paid, work long hours, get less sleep than desire, and usually lack the exercise needed to sustain ourselves from day-to-day.  When was the last time you nourished your soul?  Many of us are over-stressed, under paid, work long hours, get less sleep than desire, and usually lack the exercise needed to sustain ourselves from day-to-day.  To move through the day with a sense of inner strength and a clear head, we must (not should) nourish our selves daily and then again weekly.  It really doesn't take long at all.  
I take an Epsom salt bath everyday to relax my body, to release toxins, and to just chill.  It's my "look forward to" every single day!  It doesn't take long, perhaps 15 minutes at most; but it gives me so much.  Weekly, I like cook a different meal; I like to be creative in the kitchen.  I don't have the time everyday; but I do try to fit in the creativ…

3 Types of Achievers

Which Type Are You?
A Wanter? Are you just talking about what you want?  Are you pinning up poster boards on the walls of your room, or are you collecting nick-knacks and storing them in a box, hoping that your wants will somehow magically appear in a life-like form?
A Wisher? Are you daydreaming about your wishes saying if I only think about them long enough, they will appear?
A Maker? Are you the maker, wanting and dreaming, and then taking action: doing the physical labor that is required to get what you want to achieve your goals?

In the end, be a wanter, be a wisher; but, always remember, to be a maker, too.
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Heal From Trauma One Day At A Time

I don't think most people can truly understand someone that has gone through sexual assault and childhood sexual abuse except for others that have experienced it themselves.  Sexual assault and childhood abuse is too complex; and, there are too many variables associated with it.

The simple-minded, especially, don't get it.  They regularly have endless ideas about what "should" be done (seek God, don't grieve or look back, think good thoughts, live in the present, or make it beautiful).  It really does, and continues to, trouble me when I hear their virtuous comments.  They, especially, do not know what is in the minds and body's of the abused survivors.  Perhaps, in their own weird way, they think they are helpful; but, I can almost guarantee, that it is more about them than it is about the survivors.  Most people, that have experienced these heinous crimes, have tried various ideas and treatments, and more.

What I can say about sexual abuse is that there …