Today Is All We Have

 Today Is All We Have

I haven't felt well for the last couple of days.  My lymph nodes swollen and tender, cold like symptoms, neck hurts, head hurts, nausea bouts, fatigue, it's an odd feeling.  These symptoms come and go regularly becoming more consistent as the months go by.  They have been for the past two years now, early 2009.  I can't seem to pinpoint what it is, if anything.  It's difficult not to worry about it when it's in your face, then I visualize my health and the healing of whatever this is with fire, knowing that I can do something about it.

Today, I struggled to get out of bed, though.  I didn't want to deal with these symptoms anymore.  They hurt!  I was ready to stomp down the hall to dig in the bathroom cabinet to get some pain killers.  The physical pain of these symptoms are getting stronger.  I sat at the edge of the bed, my shoulders hunched over, head hanging down, sad, wondering how I can heal myself.  I flopped my head back down onto the pillow with force, with anger, some tears flowing with worry, of course.  I let it all go for a few minutes.  Then I got up, walked down the hall passed the bathroom into the kitchen, drank my usual water with fresh lemon juice, dry brushed my skin, tugged my hair, opened up a thai coconut, drank the water and bounced on the rebounder.  My way to refocus.  By this time the symptoms were not as bad and I had a more optimistic outlook for the day. 

When you're not feeling well or haven't been for some time, you start to rethink life and what it really means.  I came to the realization that this is it.  Today is all we have.  There is no tomorrow.  There is only now.  What ever you are doing and feeling right now, this is it.  Remember the past with joy, anticipate the future, however, live in the now.  How do you want it to be today?

You see, if you only had a day, a year or two or five or whatever to live, how would you like to live it?  What do you want to say?  Who do you want to hug?  What direction is most important to take?  How do you want to feel?  I've been asking myself these questions a lot.  Not only asking the question, though.  I find myself intuitively stepping into action immediately, whether it's praising and hugging my sons, writing that letter to let others know exactly how I feel, talking openly and straight with friends getting to know them more deeply, and listening to others on a completely different level than what I used to... and I thought I really listened. 

This is it.  Today is all we have.  If today was your only day to shine, how would you do it?  How would you show it?  Who's important to you?

Even as a counsellor and life coach, I find myself continually healing layer after layer.  It never ceases.  There is always something to resolve, something to say to someone, one more person to hug, one more letter to write, or one more phone call to make.

So today, after I got organized, and moved through the pain of the symptoms, I went for breakfast with a friend.  We talked.  We laughed.  We cried.  We picked up my black labs, drove up to Cypress Mountain in West Vancouver, and ran through the snow.  The view was spectacular.  So breathtaking.  Jasper, my baby lab, did a great job pulling me through the deep snow.  As I ran after him, I laughed trying to keep my balance.  I came home and baked for my family.  And, when my son woke up, I called him over and gave him a big... hug and told him that I love him.  Today is all we have.  Today is a great day!

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