For as long as I can remember, I struggled with the internal battle between my ego mind and my heart. While my heart constantly sent me loving divine, subtle messages to guide me, my ego mind was strong, determined, loud, berating and very convincing causing skepticism, mistrust, guilt, and indecision to what was truth.
For decades my ego mind won the back-and-forth battle the majority of the time. This battle led by my ego took me on a journey of years of academia, the pursuit of knowledge and reason, from the indoctrinated educational system, believing that this was the way to my truth. I was convinced that education and degrees were going to be the best way to learn good information to get me a safe, decent job that would take me into my retirement years. Was I ever wrong!
Inevitably, this path pushed me further away from my heart and imprisoned me in my ego mind, so utterly disconnected from my body and soul. The ego is not only loud. It is very deceitful and manipulative.
To try to change my way of being and to heal myself from this insanity, I pursued psychotherapy, for over a decade, which helped in many ways. It showed me what a healthy relationship looked like. It made me see my parents as victims of their upbringing, and it made me understand why I did what I did - I created awareness to my situation and circumstances.
However, even after the 10+ years of therapy, writing three books (which was somewhat cathartic), and utilizing various healing modalities (e.g., good nutrition, exercise (strength training), acupuncture . . .), I was still left with an emptiness sort of feeling hanging around. I still struggled - perhaps not as much, for sure - but I still struggled with the strength of the ego mind making decisions that did not align with my heart or my truth.
After a lot of research and talking with others about psychedelic medicines, I began to understand some of the great benefits. Soon after, I started microdosing. However, the more I read, the more I realized that taking a larger, controlled dose with someone to guide you through the journey was more beneficial. With that, the healing that occurred with larger doses was dependent on how the psychedelics were used. Using psychedelics socially, was not a good form of healing; though, it may bring out fantastic deep spiritual discussions. However, deep emotional and mental healing was dependent upon how it was used and the intentions set as well as who was there with you in the ceremony to witness the healing.
I started my journey with psychedelic healing in 2024. I've attended two ceremonies so far. The two experiences were very different. The lead healers supported us with setting our intentions. There are typically about 7 - 10 of us, at most. We are separated on the floor to give us space. We start by setting the intention. Then we go into breath work which releases a lot of built up internal tension. Much healing happens during this time, too. Then we have a short break and head into the medicine ceremony with music and much guidance by our loving healers. We also have angels (individuals (that have done and know the journey) that support us as needed. At the end, we eat lightly and integrate our journey, not only during that evening but for weeks after the ceremony.
Integration is, basically, about being open to unfolding potential for healing, change, and growth from the psychedelic experience in all relationships, such as self and others including universal consciousness.
Healing is definitely not for the faint of heart - you cannot lack strength or courage to face difficulties, because that is what healing is all about; to show you your shadows (shadow work) and what needs to be changed in a state of love and grace. In the end, it is your free will to change or follow your internal guidance, but you will definitely know when you are not aligned with your heart.
The psychedelic journey takes you out of your imprisoned ego mind and into your heart. You bypass the mind with ease to feel your heart and soul and heal. For me, much healing has occurred. With that, much change also has occurred. And to change, hard decisions have been made.
I always say, life is short. You never really know when it is your time to go. How do you want to lead the next 10 years of your life? Indoctrinated into the narrative of the matrix? Or living your divine truth for the betterment of humanity and mother earth?
Much Love,
Desiree
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