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Celebrating Father's Day Without A Father




During father's day, the entire world celebrates fathers which is a wonderful thing when you have a father to acknowledge and celebrate, but what if you don't (or didn't).

Were you fatherless? Your father may have not been completely out of your life. Perhaps he was there, but he was an alcoholic and never had the time of day for you. Or he was busy beating your mom (or you) and never took notice of you. Or did your father show up a couple of times a year when he was free from his business trips. Maybe once mom and dad got divorced, he chose to abandon you and you only saw him, sporadically, every now and then, while he started a new family with someone else.

I had a father that was a chronic alcoholic and a wife beater. Growing up in the 60's and 70's, domestic violence/intimate partner violence was a family matter and no one talked about it, but we were definitely "supposed" to respect him out of fear that we'd get beat ourselves. I tried, on-and-off, seeing my dad, hoping that he would have changed as he aged, but that wasn't the case when I noticed how he treated my step-mother. He also assaulted me back in 2011. 

He is still a misogynist and hates the idea of women being outspoken. He still has a crazy amount of hate and contempt towards women. You'd never guess this if you didn't know him, though, but if you got into any sort of a political argument, his colors would be revealed rather quickly. 

In any event, the day so many children acknowledge and celebrate father's day; I wanted to acknowledge the children and adults that aren't celebrating father's day. Perhaps over the years, you found another way to celebrate this day.

Maybe you found a mentor, an uncle, or a friend that fits the description and fills your needs, now. I found it quite difficult not having a father; I craved having a father to look up to, to help guide me, and to run to when I needed support. I felt very alone without that father-figure. It was really difficult as a girl growing up. Even though he was so misogynistic, I tried with all my might to see his ways so that I could be with him, but it just didn't work as a young girl growing into a woman and growing into my own ways and world views. 

It's also quite odd that my husbands never had a father that I could meet or admire. All three died before I met them. It is interesting to say the least. What was I supposed to learn?

My father is the omnipotence, omnipresence, and omniscience around me. My father is with me always guiding me. As long as I am present and always asking, he is right here with me and embracing me . . . always and forever. That's what I learned!

As the entire world celebrates father's day, you may be experiencing loss because you had a dysfunctional or absent father. So, for all the girls and boys that didn't grow up with a father: a father that chose to be absent, a father that was a chronic alcoholic, or a father that was an abuser, well done for getting by without him. It may have been very difficult, but you did it, so be proud of yourselves. You are seen!

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