Skip to main content

Healing Worthlessness

Healing Worthlessness

by Desiree Leigh, Wake Up to Live

When you feel worthless, looking in the mirror and reminding yourself that you are beautiful is not going to happen.  Being told that you are special, you have the light within you, and to appreciate your value in life is something that individuals with low self-worth cannot relate to.  Further, the more you say, the more they will resist; and, the more they will see you as untrustworthy and a phony.  Trying to mend the surface or the symptoms of worthlessness will not be lasting nor effective in people that have extreme low self-esteem.  Cognitive change is only partial change in attitude.  Setting up a plan on how to tackle your attitude of worthlessness on a daily basis is good; however, it doesn't support deep change, and it doesn't last.

During my darkest days, sometime ago in the past, I became the observer.  One day standing in the middle of my kitchen, I moved out of my body looking down over top of myself.  It was after I threw a pyrex dish in rage causing a huge hole in the drywall.  I also realized, at that time, I almost killed someone;  just a few inches away from his head, the dish flew.  As an observer, I viewed the life I was living.  Why was I behaving in such self-defeating ways?  I knew I didn't want to be alive in this world if I continued to live the way I was.  I also knew that it wasn't about 'them' anymore - them being the men in my life.  It was about me and why I was attracting them.  Memories of sexual, physical and verbal abuse, and a two sexual assaults (at the age of 12 and 16) haunted me.  Domestic violence and later drugs and alcohol were a part of my behavior.  Shame, guilt, disgust, and hate was who I was.

Cognitive-behavioral change was the road I took to heal my life.  I didn't have to go to the past, and, I surely didn't want to at the time.  It worked to a degree.  However, after about two years or so of persistent effort, I still felt this haze of darkness: this ache in my gut that wouldn't go away.  I prayed and prayed with many tears asking what I needed to do next to feel joy and self-worth.  I was asking for the real stuff, not what I was putting on to wear everyday.  Not the mask or superficial joy I was being taught.  I pleaded daily to be shown the way; how to deeply heal the empty pit in my gut.  How to heal the haunting memories of the past. 

Over time, I was shown.  I was open completely to what ever entered my life.  I did the work because I believed that my asking was unfolding in front of me, and either I could use it or leave it.  Leaving it would have meant that I was going against my asking - not taking the opportunities that I requested.  I chose to use all of what came forth.  Every sign post.  Not knowing how it was going to work out in the end, I still continued with dedication and love to the one honoring my asking.

To heal the worthlessness inside of you, it takes more than cognitive-behavioral change.   It takes going to the source.  For real joy to surface from deep within, for love of self to resonate, separation must be corrected where it was made.

"It is not necessary to seek for what is true,
but it is necessary to seek for what is false...
That is why atonement centers on the past,
which is the source of separation,
and where it must be undone.
For separation must be corrected
where it was made."

[A Course In Miracles]

Let's Connect!

Click this link and sign up to receive a FREE eBook about 7 life-changing ways to build internal strength, confidence, and better relationships.


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Throw Out Balance and Replace it With This

On the internet running through blog, Facebook, and IG posts or videos, there is always a wave of the same concepts of discussion each week. One person/business throws out an idea to talk about that week, and then many others (to figure out what they can discuss, post, or video that week) grab onto someone else's topic and put another spin on it. That's it. If you pay close attention to the posts, you will see what I am talking about. Take a look at the weekly discussions and see the uniformity in the topics of discussion, including the quotes that are posted. Perhaps it is coincidental. Perhaps it is collective energetic thought that brings this about. But, in most cases, I'm thinking it may be more about "What do I talk about this week?" and then grab an idea from someone else.

It is difficult to find weekly, let alone daily, topics to discuss and, at the same time, give good value to your audience. I get that. I've done the same thing. I'm guilty, but…

5 Strategies to Support Trauma Survivors


There is no single treatment for complex trauma such as PTSD or Complex PTSD, but the cornerstone of treatment is building a collaborative working relationship with the survivor. They need to restore safety and trust in human connection. The major drawbacks to healing from chronic trauma and C-PTSD is isolation. If individuals fear coming forward (due to stigma, minimization of the events, delayed reporting, an oppressive society, self-shame or public shaming) and how they may react to their environment, they are left to figure things out on their own. There are many individuals that never receive formal treatment and, instead, invest in their own methods by trial-and-error. I did because there was nothing out there. Also, anytime I'd go to the doctors office, it was said that "It was all in my head." Back then in the 80's and 90's and early 2000's, no one could see the enduring effects of chronic childhood abuse, repeated sexual assaults…

Our NOW Is Littered With Our Past

"Trying to resist, change, or avoid the enormous influence of the past keeps us foolishly focused on it. Yet we're reluctant to leave it behind, reluctant to transform the pervasive hold it has on our present-time lives. Not doing so, however, results in an endless continuum of living a "now" that is littered with the detritus of the past. There is no better arena to watch this play out than in our relationships."~Nancy Zapolski
Let's Connect!
Click this link and sign up to receive a FREE eBook about 7 life-changing ways to build internal strength, confidence, and better relationships.