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The Secret of Existence


The Secret of Existence

From the time we are born, we become dependent on others for our survival.  Yet, the Buddha mentions to depend on no one.  "Only the moment you reject all help are you freed."  This defies everything we have learned in this physical world.  Because we have learned this dependency on others since infancy, we have grown used to this concept.  Some ideas are:  "Mom makes me happy because she spoils me."  "I am complete only with my soul-mate."  "I am happiest with my friends."  Thus, it makes our journey toward independence or towards soulfulness or divinity much more difficult.  We are pulling away from something we know; something that is real and tangible.  We cannot seem to fathom this concept, so we continue to tug at this idea of "depend on no one," but still we cannot figure it out.

Only until you truly begin to let go of everything you think you know and of everything you think you are, will you be stripped from the image that you think defines you today.  This is where the work is involved.  It is a hard choice; but it is still your own choice.  In this moment, you will have all kinds of internal struggles.  The questions and doubts will arise swiftly.  "I don't want to cause them emotional pain."  "Should I say good-bye or should I stay?"  "This is not what a daughter/mother/wife/sister should do."  Staying focused on your choice, on your wisdom, will allow you to move through these internal struggles with much more grace and ease.  It is not about other peoples drama or qualms or even about your doubts and worries,  it is about your existence - the dependence on your Self.  Only then, will you be able to see what you truly are and who you are truly intended to be.

In my own experience, understanding death was the most exhilarating and enlightening process I have ever gone through.  In the moment there was a lot of fear, desperation, and panic.  There was a lot of wanting to hang on to everything - to keep it the same - and, it wasn't exhilarating at all.  In fact, it was horrifying.  Nonetheless, after struggling through the fear, I finally and truly accepted that life was going to come to an end; and I finally became okay that life was transient knowing that there was nothing in life that I could keep or hold onto.  This did not happen over night, though.  Yes, I had tears of what I would miss - my boys especially; but I was really okay as long as I resolved to make the most out of each day and with the one's that were important to me without getting hung up on ideas.  Basically, the degree of my joy came from me and no other.  When I came to this resolution and acceptance of death, somehow my outlook on life changed.  Everyone else's demands, concerns, and squabbles became less prominent and less mentally and physically intrusive and, materialism didn't matter anymore.  I was able to see more deeply and let go of the chaos.

The thing is, as we continue to live life even after these experiences, everyday troubles and squabbles can get to us again.  We can once again loose sight.  The heaviness piles up, and we are back to the drawing board of stuck-ness or confusion.  Thus, it is important to remember who you are, to stay focused, to go within, to be present to your body and spirit, and to be alert to what thoughts pass through your mind.  Letting go or dismissing (rejecting) all help is a continual process of vigilance and the secret of existence.  You are responsible for your completeness and happiness, no one else.  It's up to you.  What's going to make you live your life fully; the way you want it to look?  Or will you continue to conform to the idea of how it should be because it was taught (socialized) to you that that is the way it looks?

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