Skip to main content

Social Bullying: A National Crisis

Social Bullying: 
A National Crisis
By Desiree Leigh, Wake Up to Live

I am not a Rob Ford supporter, and I find him to be a total disrespect to the political institution; but, I am a counsellor that advocated respect and anti-bullying.  There is huge talk right now about Rob Ford on the Jimmy Kimmel show (March 3rd, 2014).  Google it first and get your own opinion.  
Kimmel's actions are accurately described as bullying at its best.  Kimmel taunted Ford, ridiculed him, bombarded him with past events, and then professed that "everything seemed fine."  Of course Rob Ford was going to laugh it off, and I am sure he expected some very harsh and real questions, and probably some taunting; but, Kimmel took his taunting to another level which totally discredited him and his show.  When there are so many people watching late night shows to have a bit of a laugh,  you have a responsibility to the viewers and the guests: to take care of them in the most respectful manner whether you agree or disagree with them.  Kimmel's so called interview was absolutely disrespectful and distasteful; it was actually disgusting and gross and reflected Kimmel's "true" personality.      

At the same time, it is really sad to see that society, in general, has to scorn, insult, and and humiliate others that are weak or vulnerable and even disgusting, so that they can look good or have a good laugh. They then justify their bullying by saying that the person deserved it, or (I like this one) get others, perhaps influential figures, to support their tactics as Kimmel has.  So when you are weak and vulnerable--not at your best--and have been disgraced by society and did less than respectful things (as Kimmel and Ford have), is it then okay for others to slam you on national television?  There is dirt in everyone's closet; but would it be fair to get your dirt spread throughout your community on billboards?  
I've heard since, that Kimmel's rating have gone up.  No doubt, Kimmel had an underlying intention all the way!  Just as Miley Cyrus had an intention for her public nudity.  Nonetheless, what is most disheartening is that "his ratings increased!"  What does this tell you about people?     
In my opinion, doing such a thing backfires.  It backfires with the next generation.  We have some people in society creating awareness about bullying and then we have a majority of society still indirectly bullying and righteously justifying it.  This is what we are teaching our children people.  This is hypocrisy.  We promote wellness, good mental health, and respect; yet, so many of us still bully in their roundabout way.

Below is a great read by Kate McCoy about Bullying and Media Culture. 

Bullying and Media Culture: How TV Teaches Children to Bully

Most Americans think of bullying as youth problem. In actuality, it's more of a cultural problem. It seems that everywhere you turn, today's youth can see the bully mentality on full display. Nowhere is this phenomenon more prevalent that throughout the media. Kids consume on average around 8 to 11 hours of media a day, depending on how you tally the overlapping types of media consumption. This is more time than they spend interacting with their parents or teachers or any other significant influence in their life. So to understand the problem of bullying, one must start with our media culture.
If you were to flip around to different channels on standard TV and basic cable, odds are you'll come across dozens of programs that either directly or indirectly celebrate a bully culture. Take a reality TV show such as Survivor. On the surface, Survivor may not seem like it has anything to do with bullying. But think about the premise for a minute: contestants are encouraged to use and manipulate their fellow brethren in order to further their own advancement, forming special alliances or cliques that can be used against the others, only to turn around at the end and betray those who have been loyal to them. It not only condones but encourages all forms of relational aggression; backstabbing, misleading, gossiping, spreading false rumors, and so on. Other forms of reality TV are even more direct in their aggression. Think about the example set by the narcissistic antics of Snooky. Or how about the message derived from watching a group of women degrade each other in competition for the affections of a single man on a show such as The Bachelor. What do teenage girls learn from this? Given how popular such shows have become, it's little wonder that relational bullying has been on the rise in recent years.
It's not just reality TV that's the culprit. You can find all the components of the bully mentality throughout most forms of television. Turn on just about any talk show, and you're likely to see a mob audience ganging up to scorn a certain individual. Flip around to the comedy central and you'll find Tosh.0, a show featuring humiliating internet videos narrated by a snarky comic who cracks jokes about the people in them. Even videos of children enduring horrible injuries are turned into entertainment. In one episode, a little girl who has just been so badly burned across one side of her body that much of her skull, neck tendons, and shoulder bone are exposed is made fun of my Daniel Tosh, who cracks jokes about how she now looks like the Terminator.
Dateline NBC has built an empire on the basis of public humiliation and schadenfreude, disguising the pleasure and joy we get from reveling in the downfall of others as an act of community service. Most local news shows these days have gone to a similar format, devoting most of their newscasts to "name and shame" stories that expose some alleged wrongdoing while encouraging viewers to judge and condemn the accused without knowing all the facts. National Geographic, which was once and educational channel, has resorted to running episode after episode of police and border patrol shows, which are watched whether consciously or subconsciously, for the pleasure and feelings of superiority we receive from seeing other in a vulnerable or desperate situation. This superior feeling is one of the basics of bullying psychology.
Even seemingly noble shows such as Law & Order promote every aspect of the bully mentality, hiding it right in plain site: A snarky detective or prosecutor, full of self-righteous indignation and moral superiority, dishes out both insult and injury as he persecutes those deemed deserving of such treatment. We don't see it as wrong, because the cruelty is directed towards "bad guys" who "deserve it." Yet the underlying message is clear: those who are different, those who make mistakes, those who are struggling with problems we don't have, or those who hurt or offend us must be sought out, humiliated, condemned and destroyed. This message is reinforced throughout the movies, which justify and celebrate every form of aggression up to and including murder, so long a it's the "bad guys" being punished. The problem is, who gets to determine who is the bad guy?
Throughout television, it's hard to find a show that doesn't promote one of these aspects of bully psychology:
- An Us versus Them or Us versus Other mentality
- Name calling and verbal aggression
- Labeling or stereotyping people (predator, monster, illegal, looser, pervert, reject)
- Group versus group aggression
- Relational aggression (gossiping about or manipulating others for self-advancement)
- Feeling pleasure and satisfaction in the suffering or persecution of others.
While no one program is directly responsible for kids bullying one another, the cumulative effects of this exposure can be profound. What we provide as a model, children will bring with them into their own world. They'll apply the same mentality when it comes to their own feuds and their own ideas about who deserves to be persecuted.
Our children are learning these lessons well. Take the case of the youths who bullied Phoebe Prince to the point of suicide, continuing to taunt her even after the 15-year-old's tragic death. Their cruelty shocked the nation. Yet the kids involved seemed utterly baffled by the angry responses that were then directed at them in return.
If you try to put yourselves in their shoes and think about it for a minute, we can understand their confusion. After all, from their perspective, they were just doing some of the same things that everyone else in the world at large (as they see it) seems to do. They were conniving and manipulative, just like the people who win the million dollars and earn celebrity status on Survivor. They were relentless in scorning their enemy and well-versed in the art of insult and humiliation; the same traits they see celebrated in the heroes portrayed throughout movies and television. They persecuted their victim with the same self-righteous indignation and narcissistic hatred that you can see exhibited on every single episode of Law and Order. They were doing exactly as our media culture had taught them to do.
Article Source:


Popular posts from this blog

Throw Out Balance and Replace it With This

On the internet running through blog, Facebook, and IG posts or videos, there is always a wave of the same concepts of discussion each week. One person/business throws out an idea to talk about that week, and then many others (to figure out what they can discuss, post, or video that week) grab onto someone else's topic and put another spin on it. That's it. If you pay close attention to the posts, you will see what I am talking about. Take a look at the weekly discussions and see the uniformity in the topics of discussion, including the quotes that are posted. Perhaps it is coincidental. Perhaps it is collective energetic thought that brings this about. But, in most cases, I'm thinking it may be more about "What do I talk about this week?" and then grab an idea from someone else.

It is difficult to find weekly, let alone daily, topics to discuss and, at the same time, give good value to your audience. I get that. I've done the same thing. I'm guilty, but…

5 Strategies to Support Trauma Survivors


There is no single treatment for complex trauma such as PTSD or Complex PTSD, but the cornerstone of treatment is building a collaborative working relationship with the survivor. They need to restore safety and trust in human connection. The major drawbacks to healing from chronic trauma and C-PTSD is isolation. If individuals fear coming forward (due to stigma, minimization of the events, delayed reporting, an oppressive society, self-shame or public shaming) and how they may react to their environment, they are left to figure things out on their own. There are many individuals that never receive formal treatment and, instead, invest in their own methods by trial-and-error. I did because there was nothing out there. Also, anytime I'd go to the doctors office, it was said that "It was all in my head." Back then in the 80's and 90's and early 2000's, no one could see the enduring effects of chronic childhood abuse, repeated sexual assaults…

Our NOW Is Littered With Our Past

"Trying to resist, change, or avoid the enormous influence of the past keeps us foolishly focused on it. Yet we're reluctant to leave it behind, reluctant to transform the pervasive hold it has on our present-time lives. Not doing so, however, results in an endless continuum of living a "now" that is littered with the detritus of the past. There is no better arena to watch this play out than in our relationships."~Nancy Zapolski
Let's Connect!
Click this link and sign up to receive a FREE eBook about 7 life-changing ways to build internal strength, confidence, and better relationships.