Controller, Abusers, & Manipulators

Controllers, Abusers, & Manipulators

 In life, we live among a varied population, so we must be able to recognize when we are in danger.  When you have grown up observing domestic violence, have been the subject of childhood abuse or bullying from your siblings, or have been assaulted in any way, we can either be hypervigilant or on-guard to everyone that is around us or we may be unconscious in recognizing the signs of these characteristics.  I know I have been both, but my underlying characteristic is to be hypervigilant and acutely aware of absolutely everything--every facial expression and every pin dropping.  What's important, though, is to recognize the signs by logically analyzing the situation and also staying connected to your gut feelings.

Remember, many abusers, controllers, and manipulators will make the problem yours and tell everyone in their circle of family and friends (and acquaintances) that 'you' are the problem when in fact you are not.  I can compare this behavior to children in a playground: the bully or the one that abuses goes running to an authority figure 'first' so that they look as if they are the innocent ones.  Anyways, the only way to get support and move beyond being isolated from the people you thought cared about you is to reach out to others that you can trust or a group that has experienced the same sorts of things.

I also want to note that it is not about living in fear or being preoccupied or obsessive regarding the people you are around. (Although you may have this exact behavior immediately after a recent attack, and that is both okay and normal).  Just take note of the signs.  If you are not aware of the 'signs,' your own behavior will never change.  Awareness and understanding of how abusers behave and how they condition or groom their victim is significant, and it is for the safety and well-being of yourself and your family.

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