My nursing contract ended at the end of November, so I 've had some time to rest, relax, contemplate and catch up on some unpacking. At the same time, a new puppy was brought into the family. Our last Labrador Retriever passed in June of 2024. It was time for another one. Our dogs have kept us busy, but they also bring great joy!
Anyway, my husband and I moved from Vancouver Island a few years back (2014). It was a short three years on the Island. We are originally from the North Shore's West Vancouver area. We moved back because we wanted to be closer to our combined five grown sons. Looking back in hindsight, we honestly wished we stayed on the Island. Our kids were growing up fast, and they were busy with their own lives. We didn't see them as often as we thought we would've.
Anyway, we landed back on the mainland. When we got here, we didn't find a home that we really loved, so we said to ourselves that this place was only temporary. Temporary has now been 11 years!
Soon after arriving to the lower mainland, I moved to the Central Okanagan to go to university for four years. Of course, I was back and forth visiting during breaks and holidays.
Once I received my degree at UBC, I moved back to the North Shore and started a masters degree, and once COVID lockdowns were lifted, I began working various nursing jobs. I thought a masters degree would help me out a bit since I was already in my late fifties. I wasn't like the other students, just getting started in life.
However, positions were difficult to find in the lower mainland especially because I did not work acute care, and I gather there was a lot more competition here in the bigger city than in smaller communities. I couldn't work nights due to my migraines. Taking pharmaceuticals on a regular basis to relieve the pain was not an option for me, and I wasn't about to sacrifice my health doing night shifts. This rubbed the health authorities at Vancouver Coastal Health and the Fraser Valley Health Authorities the wrong way.
The health authorities repeatedly told me that I "had" to work acute care, which they stated "always" included night shifts, before I applied for any other positions, otherwise they wouldn't even look at my resume. Vancouver Coastal Health and the Fraser Health Authority didn't give a rat's ass about this disability, and with less than a handful of recruiters that sift through resumes, it was impossible to get in the door. I was still able to work for the federal and provincial governments as well as some private companies. I managed.
I worked short-term at various positions, but nothing really fit. (Does a job ever really fit?) To be honest, I never really coped well; the energy and stamina needed for nursing was insane. We all, literally, ran our feet off throughout the entire shift and by the end of the day, we looked ragged. I wasn't the only one that looked badly worn out; the young one's did as well. We always gabbed about why we made this career choice. Probably because we didn't really know what we were getting ourselves into, but many said it was for the money/hourly wage.
Driving through traffic for an hour and then some was also another issue. I didn't want my job to take up all of my life. These weren't the only issues. Many of the roles were conflicting with my core values, especially in light of COVID and everything that started to come up for me.
As a result, I decided to look for a nursing position out of town. Perhaps, living in a smaller town would help, and this could be our way of moving out of the busy city. My husband and I had been talking about moving out of the chaos of the city for some time now. Watching the amount of development going up on the North Shore was insane (and it still is).
As a result, a couple of, three years back, I found a position up in the Kootenays. Workplace violence was the norm with a tyrant administrator, so I ended up back on the North Shore.
I got hired on for another position. This time it was in the South Okanagan. However, I lived at Apex Mountain Resort, about a 1-1/2 hour drive from work. After five months of driving, it was slowly wearing me down - driving three hours to work and back; working 12-hour shifts and constantly being short-staffed; and looking for a place that was closer to live. I started to struggle physically, mentally, and emotionally. Driving and working these long hours may have worked if my family was close by, but being alone and under stress, I didn't want that lifestyle.
I definitely enjoyed working with the care staff. Everyone was so supportive. We laughed a lot, even under so much stress. In many ways it was great, but the workload was not manageable. I also adored our DOC, but it just wasn't working. I couldn't maintain this pace.
The housing crisis is real up in the Okanagan, but it is like that in the Vancouver area too. This made it a real challenge finding a home that was affordable but to also accommodate our pup.
Anyway, I started working for a couple of travel nursing companies. Some of these companies are quite shady, so be warey. Nurses talk! Job sites want you because of the constant shortage, but they don't want to properly accommodate you. Some housing isn't safe. Living conditions are shared rooms: shared bathrooms and kitchens, sometimes without kitchen pots, pans, plates, and utensils. This leaves the nurse having to go out and buy these items that will most likely be left there because she typically arrives with a luggage full of clothes.
At my age, this type of nursing is really not suitable for me. I should have thought about this career choice more thoroughly before spending six years (specific to nursing only) in school plus all of the upgrading. (At that time I wasn't awake to the matrix.) I refuse to accept just any role. My boundaries are greater than someone in their 20's or 30's and they just keep getting stronger. I will compromise a lot. I will sacrifice a lot, and I have, but I won't bend over backwards to accommodate many of these places to what they are asking. For example, many young employees will work for free. They will not clock in their overtime. This is becoming the norm in the workforce, and I refuse to do this. At some point, I will voice myself and that is never accepted positively by most leaders. As a result, these decisions shorten the list of places I can work.
I've noticed right from the gecko that employers don't care about you. (It took me a long time to learn this!) They have their demands, and if you don't comply to their ultimatums, they really don't give a shit. You're out.
Think about this. My husband received a clock and a watch when he left a company of thirty five years. He was a broker and made his boss multiple millions of dollars over the course of three and a half decades. Another company, he received another clock for eight years of work. Really a clock?! Fuck the clocks!!! Your time means nothing to them.
So during my time off, contemplating much, I started unpacking boxes that have been packed for several years. I was tired of living in boxes for so many years pursuing a career that didn't seem like it was going anywhere. I also started unloading - giving a lot of items to the Salvation Army. Being a family of seven (with the children now all moved out), we collected a lot of stuff; it was time to minimize a bit. I also changed some of the décor. I wanted to brighten things up to lift our spirits.
This leads me to what I really wanted to say. For the past few months or year, I gather, I started to change how I live. I'm making more of my own products at home. I cook whole foods more often. I'm buying many things from local farms. I bake rather than buy boxed. I've make skin care products and makeup. I also make my own hand and laundry soap. For example, today I ran out of liquid hand soap. I pulled out my products and made a couple of batches for the bathrooms. It's very easy once you have the items in stock at home. I also baked some sandwich bread, banana bread, and cookies, and started a couple of jars of sprouts from seed. All from scratch; not one item from a cardboard box.
Although I love doing this, it takes a lot of time. I can understand why we all love convenience! As a result, I am trying to figure out how to maintain a whole foods and natural product lifestyle (with a small vegetable and herb garden in the summer months, too) and a nursing position. Is this even possible? Or another question I can ask is, how can I maintain my nursing registration and utilize my nursing skills and education with the new lifestyle I am leading? Is this possible when my core values don't align with so much of a nurses role. In hindsight, I wish I kept my registration for counselling! I love talking about the psyche, energy, coaching, metaphysics/spirituality, personal development . . .!
I just turned 60 and with that, it makes me think about the remainder of my life. Time is limited and of the essence. My work has to fit my lifestyle. I no longer want to 'fit in' what I love to do around my job because a nursing job takes so much time and space in my life. I definitely love to chat with others and support the elderly in many ways; it is quite a joy, but to shovel pharmaceuticals in their mouths multiple times a day when many are not ever aware of what is going on, is challenging.
I honestly don't want to kill myself anymore for a company that doesn't give a shit about me or any other employee. It's always about the bottom line and not your health or quality of life. With the positions I've had, I have also come to realize that I am a number, and I am disposable!
I am ambitious and I am passionate. I am a hard worker. I know what I am capable of and what I can accomplish when I am committed. I haven't focused my energy toward something 'specific' that includes what I love to do and what I want my life to look like recently.
The Great Awakening is here! Can you feel it? Sometimes it's almost like I can't keep up because of the many shifts. Anyway, I want my lifestyle to reflect the Truth of my Divine Self and to support the awakening process of humanity.
This is where life coaching, counselling and spiritual mentoring comes in. Why did I let it go? Why didn't I stay consistent with it? I know! I left it because I went into a state of fear. I believed that I needed a secure job. Ha! What a f'ing joke! As you age ... safe and secure? ... far from it! How secure is having a job or being an employee for someone else? It isn't!
Anyway, there is so much to think about. With thoughtful reflection, letting go and allowing, and all the energy work I am doing, clarity is surfacing.
In the end, let's create work that fits our divine lifestyle and way of being.
It's really all about removing ourselves from the hooks of the slave system.
Until we meet again.
Much love,
Desiree Leigh
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