What Is Directing Your Choices?

What Is Directing Your Choices

So many realizations on how I have stepped over so many people in my life, carrying the baggage of guilt or shame, always at the back of my mind. This includes my beloved children. As we step over our broken promises and agreements of being a trustworthy friend, a compassionate lover, or a present mother/father, our choices begin to be made unconsciously from the past!

For instance, your son spills the milk and it pours all over the beautiful beige shag rug. In the process of trying to catch the glass before the mishap, mom's glass of red wine gets knocked off the table and and all over her white blouse as well as the floor....She reacts in an irrational manner, yelling or giving the child advice which really is just criticism and blame! Where is this reaction coming from?? Initially, she believes that the reaction supports what happened, also saying, "This is my personality." "This is who I am." At the same time, her son should have been more responsible, payed attention, and knows better. Is her reaction present based?? NO! Something from the past has brought out her reaction.

Another example. You're driving home from a long weekend workshop and someone cuts you off. You swerve away to avoid the collision but inevitably hit the vehicle in front of you. You're stunned, shocked, and angry. You get out of the car and annoyingly confront the driver that wasn't paying attention, and either yell at him/her or sternly show your disgust with him/her. Again you believe your reaction supports what happened, saying, "He wasn't paying attention and he should be told he was being irresponsible so he gets the message through his thick skull." Is this reaction present based?? No! A decision was made in the past creating your behavior today.

Many of us don't make "present" based choices. We make choices from the events that occurred in our past. It doesn't just stop there, though. We make choices from the "decisions" we made to the events that occurred in our past.

I'll explain further. Because of an event that occurred in my past at the age of 2 and then another one at the age of 4, I made the decision that I was dirty, ugly, cheap, unlovable, and worthless. This was an event from my past that impacted me greatly!! There are later events that impacted me and I carried them as well. This was the greatest, though.

As life rolled forward, I carried these feelings with me where ever I went. I brought them into ALL my relationships. My relationship with my mother, father, sisters, brother, husbands, children's, and friends. Can you imagine the impact that I created in ALL my relationships by making this decision of being ugly, dirty, cheap, unlovable, and worthless, from that age?? I carried my past right into my present day making ALL my choices based on that decision I made.

Some events that occurred in the past may have not been so traumatic for others but these events still enrolled you into making a decision about who you are and how you were going to survive life. When you have these feelings about yourself, others pick them up and treat you according to who you believe and feel you are. Amazing, isn't this?? And then we wonder why life doesn't work out for us.

We can change our behavior, so that we don't act irrationally or thoughtlessly, but this kind of an attempt won't last very long. We will go back to our old neuro-patterns that we created years ago. So again, I speak of doing the WORK!! Getting to the SOURCE of where your choices are coming from and raising awareness to them. When the darkness is brought to the light, things "naturally" begin to change. When you raise awareness, you also realize you have conscious choice on what happens in your life. You can continue to allow your choices to be triggered by your past or you can now create an extraordinary life!!

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  1. Desiree, well said! Quite right to say that we often do not make "present" based choices. The resonances of the past linger for decades, even a lifetime if we let them. We are often like the ghost of Jacob Marley lugging the chains of the past into the present.

    So here is a quirk of human nature. In times of crisis or stress, we retreat into the familiar even if the familiar stinks! So we are wise to make a new sense of familiar that is more constructive and empowering.


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